Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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