is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
