people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
