Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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