We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
