Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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