last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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