he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
