At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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