Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
