Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
