He uses pillows to masturbate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
