he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
