So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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