i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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