last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
