You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
