I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
