I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
