im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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