She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
