haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
