she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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