Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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