We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
