My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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