Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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