Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
