if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
