She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
