how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
