I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
