I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
