He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
