the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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