Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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