maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
