Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Randomize
