Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
