used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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