it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
