i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
