I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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