So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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