woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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