hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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