Betty ford says i'm here all night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
