those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
