Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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