just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
