my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
