id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
