rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
