Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
